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feeling: ixp in spanish! i31 w00t! hearing: reboots...
i was wondering when my life would catch up to itself...
why is it always midnight when the computer decides to start being cooperative?
if i were a betting man, i'd bet the farm on me going into work on monday and getting fired.
i'm pretty sure i blew it.
well, it was good while it lasted.
i met some cool people, and learned some cool things.
everything with a beginning has an end.
hopefully, i'll get a chance to write a really good resignation letter and beat them to the punch.
not that i didn't fuck up again this time...
it's just that i can't, absolutely cannot wake up in the mornings.
this is probably because i can't fall asleep at night.
the experts would probably say that i can't fall asleep at night because i'm depressed.
going with that for a moment, i'm probably depressed because i am under constant stress from work.
i would have to say that the stress i am under is most likely due to the fact that i, personally, never feel like i am doing enough of a good job; the only feedback i ever receive is negative; and i am always late for work.
now, perhaps i'm depressed because my teeth feel like they're trying to free themselved from my skull...
maybe it's the fact that i haven't been to the doctor for a checkup in years and i'm terrified i might have cancer.
maybe i'm depressed because my friends lost their house, my uncle just had a heart attack, and my dog is going to die...
it could be any of these things.
maybe it's because i have no privacy at home living with two roommates.
maybe it's because my face it breaking out from stress.
maybe it's because i can't stop thinking about work and how i feel like i'm letting myself down.
i won't even get into money...
well, just a little bit:
if the monetary compensation provided by my employers was sufficient to cover my personal expenses without having to pester my parents for assistance, i would be more at ease.
as it is now, i'm living hand to mouth and going without food from time to time.
fun fun fun.
so the next time you look at me, and think that you'd rather have my life...
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be destroyed by yourself - 2005-05-30