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2004-06-01 - 12:05 a.m. The current mood of apexx420@yahoo.com at www.imood.com

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feeling: introspect... hearing: modest mouse, and louis st.

cold hands and warm heart...

i'm so bored with life in general lately.

i'm tired of getting fucked over for being nice.

i'm tired of doing a lousy job at work.

i'm just sick and tired of constant failure and mounting bills.

is a girlfriend the answer?

someone to share it all with?

someone to take some pain away?

someone to relieve?

i don't know.

i'm pretty tired of being divided into quotients too small to measure.

maybe i really do need someone to multiply myself by.

maybe i really do need someone to fall in love with, tear it all down, give my all, win, lose, accomplish, fail, love, and hate...

and then let it all fall apart.

a beautiful mess...

i haven't been broken up with in ages.

perhaps someone to run the gauntlet of love with...

fall in love, be in love, fall out of love...

hate each other...

come to dramatic realizations...

become friends again...

come to a realization...

but i'm not all that sure that any of this would help...

it would probably distract me for a while...

and maybe for long enough for me to realize that everything was all alright all along.

...

as the days creep along and the weekends blaze by i become more and more disgusted with myself for not progressing as quickly as i would like.

...

silent evenings, sunsets, starry skies...

what the fuck?

is it totally wrong for me to test the relationship waters again?

i'm not looking for a wife, i'm looking for a light...

another beautiful mind to while away the time with, and no matter what the outcome, to enjoy.

maybe i'll get married one day.

maybe i'll fall in love again.

maybe someone will change my mind...

i do know this:

i want to feel like i am sought after rather than merely tolerated.

maybe it's time to put forth some effort...

maybe it's time to get some new tattoos.

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