note: comments don't work until i pay $$$.
feeling: really really human right now. hearing: the benny hill theme, again and again
a little about respect...
my feelings are moot.
my internal dialogue does not matter.
i am transparent.
i am empty.
there is nothing inside for me to hold on to, there is nothing tangible.
and yet, i know about respect.
about how it takes the respect of others to earn other's respect.
about how to respect people.
about how to make people feel like they're worth more than nothing.
i know how to give what i get.
if i get no respect from you, you get no respect from me.
rodney was right.
the good news is i am not being let down by anyone.
i will not let myself be let down by anyone but myself because i make the decisions for me.
i know when to be quiet.
i know when to keep my mouth shut.
i know when to be respectful of others.
i know how to be a responsible and mature human being.
it took me a long time to figure it out...
and there are some things i still don't have right.
once again, it has been proven to me that i should continue to think of no one but myself.
there are very few people i actively decide to care about.
i tend to make educated decisions on the matter based upon my experience...
usually, i give people the benefit of the doubt.
frequently, i am proven wrong.
but this is about respect...
and i get too little to make any difference.
i don't want your meaningless apologies.
i don't want any sort of explanations.
i was looking for respect.
i found none.
you lost any you had.
i'll be fine...
the future is still passing me by at exactly the same rate...
and i'm not one to hold a grudge.
don't feel bad you don't understand me, few do...
if you're reading this, and you probably are right now, then there must be some interest in my existence.
if there is interest in my existence, then it might be likely that you care about what i think.
what's that like?
to care what other people think?
at least i don't have herpes.
ar least there was love in my life at least once...
i have reason to believe it may have been there as many as three times.
it may never be there again.
but i shared and experienced enough to last me the rest of my life.
i hope you can say the same, and i wish you only the best, my reader.
take of this what you will, but realize i am too fragile to be destroyed so easily.
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be destroyed by yourself - 2005-05-30