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2004-01-02 - 5:51 p.m. The current mood of apexx420@yahoo.com at www.imood.com

note: comments don't work until i pay $$$.

feeling: hearing:

is this a good thing or a bad thing? it's me.

it's strange the reality we are faced with when the one we have chosen to spend the rest of our lives with decides he or she was wrong.

whether or not we accept it, it becomes truth when it occurs.

talking about it proves the same.

getting over it and being over it are two different animals.

i find myself torn between wanting love and wanting freedom.

looking back, it's been quite some time since i had a really great day...

and by really great day, i mean one which includes the part where i have sex.

i've had good days.

i've had really good days.

i haven't caused anyone to orgasm save for myself in a long time.

i have, still, no desire for a long term relationship.

not after what i've been through.

i still have all the skills i have gained from the last few waiting to be used, but not yet.

i don't need the hassle, and i'm not getting married for a while.

i should be out finding sluts to bang, but i'm not into that.

i need to find cool chicks.

ones that don't mind a little oral now and again and ones that don't read too deeply into a little mindless sex.

i'm cool with it.

f buddies...

friends with benefits...

but, as with everything, that is why i keep my intentions inside.

you may think you're getting a glimpse deep inside of my mind here...

you're not even close to my core.

you don't have what it takes...

but i'll keep looking until i find someone.

btw- feel free to consider that a challenge if you think you're up to it.

i give what i get.

everyone deserves a chance.

go ahead and try me.

what you think you see is what i allow you to see, here and on irl.

i'm good at it by now.

i'm not a bad person, i have my demons, but i play my cards close enough to my chest to make you see my good before i let my evil out.

erase all preconceptions, forget what you know, take the blinders off of your eyes, and realize:

i am just another person.

i am far from perfect.

as soon as i have a reason to be nice to you, i will.

some people think i am smart.

some people think i am funny.

different people think different things about me...

but if you want at my center, you better start digging.

i can debase you, i can make you cry.

i can say and do things you never thought you'd hear or see.

because i like to push limits.

i like to learn.

i enjoy putting people in uncomfortable situations to see how they react.

and...

i have a competant enough grasp of myself to make you think and feel whatever i want you to feel.

the english language however, i butcher.

the trick lies in getting me to give you my honesty and everything that goes with it.

i'm even better at being myself than being deceptive.

some have proven themselves worthy.

some have given up.

me?

i'm just enjoying the ride, acting in the moment, and seeing what comes of it.

p's.

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talking heads suck. - i drop science with my smokeing appliance [edit: i spell good.]


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